


Yellows and Blues

by pearlescent



Category: Stitchers (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-13 22:32:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4539963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearlescent/pseuds/pearlescent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“All your life you’re blue. Then one day you brush up against something yellow, the barest touch, and voila, the rest of your life you’re green.” - Tess Callahan</p><p>After Cameron's near-death experience, Kirsten begins to pull away and distance herself because she cannot handle the overwhelming emotions. She thinks that having emotions is a chaos, and she'd rather be under control than let herself love Cameron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yellows and Blues

**Author's Note:**

> TW implied panic attack

They don’t talk about Cameron’s near-death experience. They also don’t talk about how Cameron was under Life Support for 3 months and then miraculously opened his eyes on October 31st. (Linus tried to keep the tears out of people’s eyes by joking around about how Cameron was ironically the “dead that came to life” on Halloween night.) But they also don’t talk about how Kirsten stood still with wide eyes as the news of Cameron broke into the Stitch Lab and how she ran out of the lab before anyone could offer her a ride to the hospital. They assumed she was going to see Cameron but were surprised an hour later when the entire Stitch Lab was in his hospital room, minus one tall blonde.

Cameron was confused why Kirsten never showed up at the hospital and even more confused when no one could offer him an explanation to why she wasn’t there. The question slipped from Cameron’s lips late one night when they were going through medical documents of their latest victim. She shrugged off the question and replied that she would have seen him at the lab soon enough.

The night after Kirsten stitched into Cameron, she was shivering in her sleep and there were the tell-tale dry streaks on her skin that told Camille that Kirsten was crying. With a light touch, Camille pulled the discarded blanket back onto Kirsten and slumped to the floor, pressing her heavy head against the bed frame. Regardless of how careful Camille had been, Kirsten was a light sleeper and woke up. When she realized Kirsten was awake, Camille began to plead softly, “Please tell me what you saw in the stitch. We need to know. We need to know that this wasn’t for nothing.” Kirsten only turned to face the other wall with her back to Camille. Camille soon fell asleep, trying to push down her sobs while Kirsten stayed awake listening to Camille cry.

Kirsten tip-toed around everyone in the lab. She would lock herself into a room with all her research and only emerge to drink coffee or ask for help (only after she exhausted all other solutions). Kirsten no longer had the fiery red snark and spitfire that characterized her, but rather became a subdued blue, _icy_ and hard. There was a giant elephant in the room that Kirsten had created, yet no one knew what it was or how to fix it. Cameron tried to approach it, but time after time he was rejected, and Cameron pulled away.

But Kirsten and Cameron finally talked about it the day they tapped into the police audio frequency and sat around the mission table, hoping to not hear gunshots through the radio. Camille was going undercover and Fisher’s job was to divert the police department’s attention elsewhere. The gunshots however rang out, and terse reports of where the police were and who it seems they fired bullets at shot panic through the team. It was precaution for Camille to have the gun for protection, but Camille mistaken for wanting to shoot the police, being shot multiple times by agitated cops, and being rushed to the Intensive Care Unit was not in the plans.

Linus was shouting and Maggie and Cameron were trying to contact Fisher, but through the chaos, Kirsten was only hearing a faint heartbeat pulsing through her ears. She gripped the table as the uproar soon erupted throughout the entire lab and tried to get rid of the pulsing heartbeat, only to suddenly hear the ringing of a machine signifying a flat line. Her fingers fell from the table.

“I can’t breathe.” She whispered to herself as she shakily stood up. She stumbled out of the room, always pressing a hand to a wall to support herself. When she found an empty room, she collapsed against the shut door. It was too much, emotions erupting out, only to collapse back towards her like the walls trapping her. Kirsten pulled her knees to her chest and dark red crescents formed on the skin under her fingers. This had happened before; it was always with Cameron. After she had found out she had killed her mother, when Cameron didn’t revive from after the stitch, after the news that Cameron was alive.

She locked herself away because she couldn’t begin to explain what was happening with her. The racing heartbeat, the lack of breath, the sweaty palms were all signs of panic, but the reason behind her panic scared her. It was like too many emotions were shot into her and they completely overwhelmed any sense of rationality or thought.

When she stitched into Cameron, she felt love. Strong affection, connection, and tenderness.  When she was stitched out, she expected the residual emotion. The heartbreaking loss of losing Cameron, someone who she did care about. _But it didn’t go away._  She continued to care about him, maybe even love him. She would remember his quirks, write down his dumb nicknames so she would never forget one, sit on his bed at home or sit by his bed at the hospital. Kirsten was in love with Cameron and she never realized it until she learned that he loved her back.

When the news that Cameron was alive hit her, she was trapped by the emotions all over again. She hated not being able to be in control of her thoughts, or emotions, or heart, or breathing. She loved Cameron, but she was so frightened for what allowing emotions into her life would bring. She hated physics for the only reason that learning about entropy made her nervous. Chaos never suited her.

So when Cameron was back in her life, she tried her best to stop loving him. Throwing away the scraps of paper in her room which she had scribbled Cameron’s nicknames on, avoiding eye contact, shying away from touch. She noticed that Cameron had picked up on her discomfort and began to drift away. He spent more time with Linus and Camille and that girl from Life-Sci in the free time around the lab. Were they flirting? Was Cameron falling for her? She didn’t know. She wasn’t sure what love was when it wasn’t her love towards Julie, or Scott, or Cameron.  Or when it was Cameron’s love for her.

A slight rap on the door knocked Kirsten out of her thoughts. She willed herself to stay silent and gripped at her clothes to stop from shaking. She heard Cameron’s soft voice carry through the door. “Kirsten, I know you’re in there. Can I come in?” Kirsten pressed her lips tightly together and shut her eyelids, but she couldn’t hold back the sob that was previously threatening to rush out. She heard Cameron slump against the door. His voice sounded broken. “Listen to my voice Kirsten. Concentrate on it, think about what is real and try and dismiss any animosity you are creating in your head.”

Kirsten tucked her head into her knees as Cameron began to talk. It was a barely above a whisper, but she could hear him clearly through the door. He began with how Camille was doing. She was still in the ICU but making vast improvements. (He listed every detail of her recovery from heart rate to what medication they were putting her on so Kirsten wouldn’t have to rack her own chaotic thoughts to figure out what he meant by vast improvement.) Then he moved onto how Linus, Maggie, and some of the team (he named every one) were at the hospital, the rest (also named) went home. Kirsten leaned her head back onto the door and listening to Cameron’s cadenced voice and willing herself to calm down.

After a while, she felt her heart slow and finally could breathe normally. Cameron was still talking and listing things that happened the day before, solidifying memories as reality. Kirsten waited for him to pause in his story and then murmured a soft "thank you" when he did. She could hear him let out a sigh in relief and reply back with, “I’m here for you, Kirsten.” Cameron shifted against the door and Kirsten assumed that he had gotten up, but an hour later when Kirsten slowly opened the door, she saw Cameron leaning on the wall next to the door, mouth ajar and slightly snoring.

He heard the door click and his eyes drowsily opened. Kirsten was walking away so he pushed himself up to his feet and chased after her. “Kirsten, wait!” He caught up and interlaced his fingers with hers, slightly pulling to turn her around. Her eyes were red, but everything about her seemed so pale and lifeless that she seemed to turn a tinge of blue. “Do you want a ride to the hospital?”

Kirsten mumbled “home,” as she untangled her fingers from Cameron and filed them into her pockets. Cameron nodded briskly and grabbed his keys off his desk. The ride to Kirsten’s house was quiet. The sun was setting, creating hues of violet and red and orange across the sky and Kirsten wondered how the combination of colors made something so beautiful and _alive_.

Cameron pulled up to her driveway and Kirsten began to gather her purse when Cameron spoke loudly, like the thought was trying to be contained but instead, burst out. “You should visit Camille in the hospital. She’s doing fine, she’ll return, but she would feel better if you visited her. I was a fast recovery, but she won’t be returning to the stitch lab as quickly as I did.”

Kirsten remained in Cameron’s car but avoided his eyes. “I trust her to come back soon.”

Cameron looked at Kirsten baffled. “Oh so it’s trust? I’m glad to know you trusted me as well.”

“Cameron, it’s been over a month, let it go.” Kirsten mumbled out. She wanted to race out his car before she spilled anything, but being on the brink of confession was terrifying and intoxicating.

“I want to know what you saw in my stitch, and why you hate me because of it.” Cameron sighed out. Cameron thought that Kirsten hated him, and while Kirsten thought that statement would bring her relief, she tried to ignore the gaping wound in her heart. “Kirsten, you know that you mean a lot to me. I want to fix whatever I did. Please.” Cameron pleaded, slightly leaning towards Kirsten. Kirsten turned to look into Cameron imploring eyes and realized that Cameron was a warm yellow, welcoming and bright.  Regardless of what she had done, he always kept shining on, wanting to care and wanting to help.

Maybe the mixing of colors in the sky, creating murals so vibrant and alive, was the answer. Her temporal dysplasia always characterized her as emotionless, lifeless, and humanoid, but the second she was filled with emotion, _filled with something so real and human_ , she turned away in repulse. Cameron Goodkin was yellow and she was blue; together they would create green, the color of the trees and plants and the grandiosity of life. The idea was new and exhilarating: that she could finally experience life through Cameron. Kirsten was so worried about being pulled into the chaos of human emotions when she never realized that it could be beautiful with Cameron by her side.

“Kirsten?” Cameron prodded, staring quizzically at her. Kirsten realized she had zoned out on Cameron and blinked away her thoughts. “Cameron. I’m just going to tell you okay? I’m just going to-” Kirsten took a deep breath. “-tell you.” Cameron raised his eyebrows for a millisecond then leaned towards her nodding encouragingly.

“I love you.” The 3 words stumbled out.

Cameron leaned back shocked and shakily breathed out, “Kirsten, what-”

Kirsten took a deep breath and started. “I love you. And in the stitch I saw and _felt_ that you loved me too. I was everywhere in your memories, Cameron. And I thought that my love for you was residual, but it didn’t go away, _it stayed_. And on top of that, whenever I felt panicked, the amount of emotion I had to experience was so overwhelming. I didn’t want to deal with it again.” Kirsten stopped and gasped for air as Cameron looked on speechless, mouth slightly open and eyes warm and concerned.  “So I distanced myself from all of you, especially you. I couldn’t bring myself to fall any more in love with you because I thought that the expanse of emotions would ruin me. But that’s what being human is, right?”

Cameron slowly shook his head and let out breathy laughter. “Not entirely. Of course, you’ll have rough days, but being human is being able to feel compassion for others, to make connections and bonds. So when you have those rough days, you have people you can rely on to help you make it through.” Cameron reached over and placed his hand over Kirsten’s.

Kirsten slowly nodded looking at how his warm hand completely covered hers. “You’ve always helped me make it through.”

Cameron grinned. “I always will.”

Kirsten leaned her head against the headrest and looked up at the constant blending of colors in the sky. “You make me feel emotions, Cameron. Not the dumb, residual emotions -- real human feelings. You bring _life_ into my life.”

“Someone pinch me because I honestly can’t believe you’re saying this right now.” Cameron pressed his lips together trying to hold back a laugh. Kirsten groaned and glaring back down at Cameron.

“Really? Are you serious?” Kirsten growled.

Cameron reached his other hand over and rested it on Kirsten’s other hand. “Are you serious?” Cameron whispered, looking cautious. He was actually worried that Kirsten wasn’t telling him the truth.

Kirsten started nodding before she could bring the words to her lips. “Yes, Cameron. Yes.” Finding confirmation, Cameron leaned forward, pressing his lips to Kirsten’s.

Everything about Cameron was increasingly warm. His lips initially felt gentle and cozy on her lips, but progressed to leave fiery marks on her jaw and down her neck. His hands began soft and snug, cupping her cheeks but grew sturdy and burning as they slid down her shoulders and onto her waist, where his fingers left scorch marks on the skin below her shirt. It was like Cameron was melting the ice off of Kirsten, her pale face slowly gaining color with every passing second of Cameron’s warmth on her.

They stumbled into the house, Cameron promising hot cocoa with an unhealthy amount of sugar and chocolate in the morning in between kisses. The two finally laid in bed, tangling their legs and encircling each other with their arms, alternating between whispering and giggling to each other. Cameron fell asleep before Kirsten had, and she snuggled closer into Cameron’s, pressing her lips to his chest and tucking her head under his chin. She could hear the slow cadence of his heart beating through his chest and the sounds of flat lines and erratic heart beats vanished from her mind. Cameron still had a lot of life to live, and this time she would be there, _living_ by his side.

  


**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a Stitcher's stickers giveaway by camsten-love.tumblr.com. It's a lovely blog, so go follow!
> 
> The quote in the beginning had to be altered to fit Kirsten's POV because it was originally:  
> “All your life you’re yellow. Then one day you brush up against something blue, the barest touch, and voila, the rest of your life you’re green.” - Tess Callahan
> 
> I also hoped you liked it! Writing this made me at peace with that devastating season 1 finale ;u;


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